Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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