i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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