His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
