Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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