I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Welp...herpes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
