I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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