If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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