I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
