If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
