Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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