Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
