who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
