You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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