My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
