Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
