When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
