I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
