Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
