I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
