Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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