barbara walters just said penis...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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