Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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