I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
