He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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