I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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