I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
