Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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