doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
