theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He? As in you personified your dick?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
