He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
