took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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