I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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