I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
