im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
