I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
