Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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