My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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