i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
