did you get engaged???
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
