So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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