I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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