if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
