i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wish my penis had a tongue
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
