You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
