we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
