I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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