I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
