Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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