It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
