Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
