so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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