i just wanna soil my oats bro
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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