It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God, I missed his penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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