Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
