So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
