I want to make a zoo with you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
