Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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