Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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