"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
