This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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