So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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