Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
