SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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