That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
