I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
