I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize