Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
