Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
