These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
