Kiss
Puke
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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