My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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