Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
