He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
