im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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