So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
