And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
