I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
