Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
