i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
