omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
