I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
