Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
