I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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